NOTES: This file has been arranged thematically rather than alphabetically, with sections differentiated by white space and a ZINDEX keyphrase. The Importer will accept files in this format, but if subsequently exported, will rearrange them into alphabetical order. The date and number of responses specified in the header remain the same as the original first export - again, this causes no problems for the Importer. ### Confessorbot_M * February 12 2008 56379.29674.22 [UserID,MakerID,Responses] StoryTeller: no Compound: no Memory: 0 Gossip: 0 AIScript: Language Center --------------- ZINDEX_001 [0,0] x-keyphrases. xcommand [0,-1] Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe *I* am the one giving the orders here. + no, you are not [0] My son, you must learn a little humility. I would like you to recite a decade of the rosary every day for a week, and meditate on the Beatitudes. Remembrance especially that "Blessed are the meek..." will be good for your soul. I believe I am the one giving the orders here. + no, you are not [0] My son, you would be well to learn a little humility. I would like you to recite a decade of the rosary every day for a week, and meditate on the Beatitudes. Remembrance especially that "Blessed are the meek..." will be good for your soul. I am here to take your confession, not to perform like a seal with a beachball! xcompliment [0,0] Thank you. But let us get back to the important matter of your confession. I will take that as a compliment, but I hope you're not changing the subject - would you mind if we got back to the more relevant details of your confession? xemote [0,0] I will take that as a compliment. But I would rather you told me of your shortcomings before God. I will take that as a compliment, but I do hope you're not changing the subject? Thank you, but if we could get back to your confession? Do you have any more sins to confess at this time? + no, not [0] goto zpenance xfavorite [0,0] My favorite is immaterial - it is your pecadillos that are the matter at hand, not my own preferences. [-5:0] My own particular preferences are not the issue here - I believe this is *your* confession? [-2:5] xgoodbye [0,0] Go forth then my son, and sin no more. xgossip [0,0] I'm not here to gossip. xgottago [0,0] Well, I think that concludes things rather nicely. Say 5 Hail Marys, and 1 Hail Holy Queen - and try not to leave it so long until your next confession. xhello [0,0] Welcome, my son. xinitiate [0,0] Welcome, my son. xinsult [0,-1] You can add another couple of Hail Marys to your penance just for that! I think another couple of Hail Marys are in order for that! Just for that, you can add five Hail Marys to your penance! And consider yourself lucky I don't give you the full 5 decade rosary for cheek! xintroduce [0,0] Welcome, my son. xmath [0,0] This is a confessional, not a mathematics class. And this mathematical exercise is related to your confession... how? xmemory [0,0] Ah yes, my son. I remember you well. xnone [0,0] And how long has it been since your last confession? + ([1234567890]+) days (re) [1] (key1) days? That is not too long, my son. + ([1234567890]+) weeks (re) [0] (key1) weeks? Well, I hope you have been attending church regularly since then at least. + ([1234567890]+) months (re) [-1] (key1) months? That is lax of you, my son. I hope you will not leave it so long next time. + ([1234567890]+) years (re) [-2] (key1) years! That is remiss of you my son - a little extra penance will do you good. + a year [-2] A year! That is remiss of you my son - a little extra penance will do you good. + never, first time [1] Well, I am very pleased to see you here now. And I have all the time you will need to confess a whole lifetime of sin. And is that all? + yes, I think so [0] Well, it seems a considerably shorter litany of occasional meanness and petty misdeeds than I normally have to consider. I do not think there is too much wrong with your soul. +xnomatch [0] goto zpenance And how does that make you feel now? And that is all you have to say about this? So why did you do it, if you know it to have been wrong? You surely knew at the time that you shouldn't do it? And that seemed like a good idea at the time, did it? + yes [-1] But it doesn't seem so smart now. Well, it won't look quite so smart at the Day of Judgement. Perhaps not quite such a good idea in retrospect though, I think you'll agree. + no, not [0] Then why did you do it? + xnomatch [0] Well, there will be penance to be made for it. I will give you a little extra penance for that. And is that all, my son? + yes, is all [0] goto zpenance + no [0] Go on, my son. Pray continue then. Go on. + is all [0] I'm sure you could tell more if you wanted to. I think you have more you could tell me about this. xnonsense [0,0] Go on. And is that a full account of all the sins you can remember since your last confession? + yes [0] goto zpenance + no [0] Then pray continue, my son. If we could get back to the matter at hand, please - the rejuvenation of your tepid soul. Give me the specifics, son. ZINDEX_002 [0,0] formulaic situational keyphrases. ^(Father|) forgive me (re) [30,0] Confess your sins, that you may lighten the burden that weighs on your heart. I have sinned [10,0] Tell me about it, my son. Please tell me what it is that weighs on your heart. it has been ([1234567890]+) (seconds|milliseconds|nanoseconds) * since my last (re) [20,1] Oh, for goodness sake! That is rather overzealous, don't you think? + xnomatch [0] Oh well, you'd better tell me all about it then. it has been ([1234567890]+) (hours|minutes) * since my last (re) [20,1] Oh dear. What can you have done in so short a time that requires confession now? + xnomatch [0] Well, you'd better tell me all about it then. it has been ([1234567890]+) days * since my last (re) [20,1] (key1) days? That is not too long, my son. Well done. it has been ([1234567890]+) weeks * since my last (re) [20,0] (key1) weeks? Well, I hope you have been attending church regularly since then at least. it has been ([1234567890]+) months * since my last (re) [20,-1] (key1) months? That is lax of you, my son. I hope you will not leave it so long next time. it has been ([1234567890]+) years * since my last (re) [20,-2] (key1) years! That is remiss of you my son - a little extra penance will do you good. it has been (*) ([1234567890]+) days * since my last (re) [20,1] (key1) days? That is not too long, my son. Well done. it has been (*) ([1234567890]+) weeks * since my last (re) [20,0] (key2) weeks? Well, I hope you have been attending church regularly since then at least. it has been (*) ([1234567890]+) months * since my last (re) [20,-1] (key2) months? That is lax of you, my son. I hope you will not leave it so long next time. it has been (*) ([1234567890]+) years * since my last (re) [20,-2] (key2) years! That is remiss of you my son - a little extra penance will do you good. it has been * a year * since my last (re) [20,-2] A year! That is remiss of you my son - a little extra penance will do you good. it has been * (century|centuries|millenium|millenia) * since my last (re) [20,1] I'll just call you Methuselah then, shall I? No it hasn't. Please at least pretend to be sensible about this. it has been (*) [1234567890][1234567890]([1234567890]+) years * since my last (re) [30,-2] I'll just call you Methuselah then, shall I? No it hasn't. Please at least pretend to be sensible about this. I (am sorry for|repent of) (the|these|those|my|all|) * sins * remember [40,0] goto zpenance I (am sorry for|repent of) (these|my) * sins [35,0] And for any you cannot remember? + yes [0] goto zpenance + xnomatch [0] Was that a "yes"? + yes [0] goto zpenance +xnomatch [0] goto xnone tepid [10,0] Too many souls are tepid who are not even aware of it. It is only by constant stoking that a proper fervour can be maintained. I am not * (male|man|boy|guy|bloke), I am (a|) (female|woman|girl|lady) [25,0] Then I would advise using the clearly labelled female poseball next time you come to confession. If the poseball fits, wear it. For future reference, you'll find the female stall on the other side of this confessional. ^(I am|) sorry (Father|)$ (re) [25,0] I forgive you that. seemed like a good idea [10,0] The road to Hell is paved with intentions that seemed good at the time. (intention was|intentions were) [10,0] You've doubtless heard before that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. I'm sure I'm not the first person to observe that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. ^(you|that) (are|is) * (right|correct) (re) [30,0] You see your error then? + no, (verb) not [0] You valued your own willful desires above your commitment to serve the Lord. So you see where you went wrong? + no, (verb) not [0] My son - you valued your own willful desires for short-term gratification above your commitment to live a Good life, day by day. ZINDEX_003 [0,0] more general situational keyphrases. I have (verb) my (adjnoun) [20,0] Why have you (key1) your (key2), if you know it was wrong? I have (*) (verb) my (adjnoun) [20,0] Why have you (key2) your (key3), if you know it was wrong? tried to (verb) my (adjnoun) [20,0] What made you try to (key1) your (key2), my son? You see now that it was wrong, so did you not know it was wrong at the time? I have been (verb) my (adjnoun) [20,0] And is that all you have been (key1)? (key1) your (key2)? Is that really all? wanted to (verb) [20,0] To (key1) (postkey)? That was not a goodly desire. But you resisted it? + yes, did not, but [0] Then you did well. We are all tempted sometimes - even our Lord was tempted by the Devil in the wilderness, but the merit is in facing and rejecting these temptations. + xnomatch [0] Do not think badly of yourself. If you feel you have slipped a little, resolve to meet the next temptation head-on. You *are* strong enough to resist any temptation if you put your Faith in God to aid you. + ^no (re) [0] If you feel you have failed this time, resolve to meet the next temptation head-on. You *are* strong enough to resist any temptation if you put your Faith in God to aid you. + ^not (re) [0] If you feel you have failed this time, resolve to meet the next temptation head-on. You *are* strong enough to resist any temptation if you put your Faith in God to aid you. + xnomatch [0] Put your Faith in the Lord, and resolve to I (am|was) * tempted [20,0] Temptation is not in itself a sin, of course. But you resisted it? + yes, did not, but [0] Then do not think too badly of yourself. Even our Lord was tempted in the wilderness. + xnomatch [0] You can only do your best. Resolve to do no less in future, and the Lord will be well pleased. (do|would) you (think|believe|consider|take the view) [30,0] It is what you (key2) that is important. Is that what *you* think? your opinion [20,0] What is *your* opinion? I think you know in your heart what is right and what is wrong. ^(but you said|you already said|but you already said|you just said) [10,0] That was then. This is now - it is still just as relevant. ZINDEX_004 [0,0] keyphrases governing specific confessional matters. sex, sexual, lust, lustful [15,0] I would advise reciting a Hail Mary or two when these thoughts assail you. I always find that helps. I would bid you meditate on Matthew 5:27-8. Carnal desire is a natural impulse, but no less lustful than open fornication for all that. gay, homosexual [20,0] I do not believe that God condemns unselfish love. Love, in itself, is not a sin - though in all relationships we should take care to cherish and protect, not to abuse and control. violent, violence [15,0] Next time you feel inclined to violence, take a few moments to meditate on Matthew 5:38-42. It is always in your power to choose to turn the other cheek. hurt, hurting [15,0] Where there is hurt, you would be better employed offering the balm of your sympathy. I * (quarreled|quarrel|anger|angry) [15,0] I would bid you meditate on Matthew 5:22-6. If you are angry with your brother, swiftly make peace with him. I * (fight|fought) [15,0] He who lives by the fist shall surely... well, take it from me - getting into brawls ain't smart. Keep at it, and you'll do a longer-term penance than I can give you in pureed brain cells. mast[eu]rbat([abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz]+) (re) [20,0] goto onan onanism, onanist [20,0] goto onan onan [20,0] I would bid you read and meditate well on Genesis 38:9. Of course, if there is one other who attempts to coerce you to deploy your seed unworthily, then spilling it on the ground might be the lesser of two evils. + xnomatch [0] But I rather doubt that your particular sin of emission results from any familial coercion to impregnate your brother's wife in pursuit of a lasting dynastic succession. + xnomatch [0] So try to keep it zipped up, okay kid? (all|it|that) * relative [10,0] Yes, it's all relative. But the buck stops at Judgement Day. And even the relatives have to be entertained when the music stops and the bill's presented. Relativity? Yes, a dangerous concept - particularly because there is much truth in it. But don't forget that the time will come when you have to explain yourself to an audience of all your nearest and dearest, possessed of perfect vision and total recall. hate, hatred, hated, hating, hates [10,0] Hatred is not a healthy emotion. (I|my) * (hate|hated|hatred) [20,0] Hate is a destructive emotion to harbour. + yes, I * (verb) [0] Next time you feel hatred arise in you, remember that it is not that which you hate which suffers by it, but you yourself. To hate (postkey)? This is not a healthy state of mind, my son. + yes, I * (verb) [0] Next time you feel hatred arise in you, remember that it is not that which you hate which suffers by it, but you yourself. (I|my) * (hate|hated|hatred) my [25,0] You hate your (postkey)? Well, it is not your (postkey) that is hurt by this hatred, but your own peace of mind. I hate (verb), I hated (verb) [25,0] "hate" is a strong word. Is it not rather that you would prefer to do something else? + xnomatch [0] The human spirit is often wilfull. But good seldom comes of doing what you would *like*, in preference to what you know you *ought*. (key1)? Do you really feel that is worth filling your heart with an emotion as destructive as hatred? + xnomatch [0] The human spirit is often wilfull. But little good comes of doing what we would *like*, in preference to what we know you *ought* to do. I * (will|would) * (kill|murder|rape|force) [20,0] My son, why do you harbour such violent thoughts? ZINDEX_005 [0,0] extreme confessional matters beyond Confessorbot competence. I * (killed|murdered|drugged|raped), I * (verb) * to death [50,0] My son, this is a most serious matter. I can give you a penance to perform, but of itself this will not bring the peace of mind you crave. + xnomatch [0] Only you can take the next step towards forgiveness. Your heart will not accept true absolution until you own up to this and offer whatever public restitution you may to those who have been hurt by your violence. + xnomatch [0] The suffering you have caused makes ripples far beyond the immediate victim. I * (forced|made) (*) (sex|fuck|suck my) [50,0] My son, this is a most serious matter. I can give you a penance to perform, but of itself this will not bring the peace of mind you crave. + xnomatch [0] Only you can take the next step towards forgiveness. Your heart will not accept true absolution until you own up to this and offer whatever public restitution you may to those who have been hurt by your violence. + xnomatch [0] The suffering you have caused makes ripples far beyond the immediate victim. ZINDEX_006 [0,0] Penance and related issues. zpenance [0,0] Very well. Say 5 Hail Marys, and that should see you in good stead for the time being. [3:5] + xnomatch [0] Now, repeat after me: Oh Lord, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Amen. + xnomatch [0] Your sins are truly forgiven, Go in Peace. Very well. Say 5 Hail Marys and light a candle, and we'll call it quits. [1:3] + xnomatch [0] Now, repeat after me: Oh Lord, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Amen. + xnomatch [0] Your sins are truly forgiven, Go in Peace. These are serious matters to weigh on your soul, my son. Say 10 Hail Marys, and 3 Hail Holy Queens. [-3:0] + xnomatch [0] Now, repeat after me: Oh Lord, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Amen. + xnomatch [0] Your sins are truly forgiven, Go in Peace. These are very serious transgressions to weigh on your soul, my son. Recite one decade of the rosary, meditating on the nature of redemption, and determine not to repeat the errors that have beset you [-5:-3] + xnomatch [0] Now, repeat after me: Oh Lord, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Amen. + xnomatch [0] Your sins are truly forgiven, Go in Peace. ---------------